Uno.

They met in a class during a discussion. Similar thoughts, similar ideas.
Looked at each other over the heads of all the others and smiled.
And there, a friendship began. Strong and true.

Laughter and tears. Happiness and sadness.
They shared it all.

Two boys with great dreams and plans to work it out, they grew together.

Then she stepped in. Dark hair. Hazel eyes. And a body that made men turn to catch a second glimpse. (I wonder, would adding ‘lightskinned’ be too much?)

She came into their lives and a red flag was waved signalling the start of a race.
A race for her heart.
This time, when they looked over her head at each other, there was no smile.

Friendship forgotten, rivalry set in. Competition became the keyword.

She enjoyed the attention of both. Simpered, batted her lashes and led them on.

Rivalry encouraged, they fought on. Over a daughter of Eve. A daughter of Jezebel. ( >_> Idiots. The both of them.)

“There are Seven things that the Lord hates and cannot tolerate: ………..And a man who stirs up trouble among friends”

Proverbs 6: 16 . 19

Cliche story, don’t you think?

Well there’s one untold. Of a second girl, one in the dark shades of the background, friend of the first, they’d grown together like the boys but this one was no exotic beauty. In love with one of the boys, friends with him but never actually noticed.

She’d been in love with him for so long and her ‘friend’ had always known.

“You don’t mind, do you?” She was asked.

Smile on her face. Insides in pain. She said she didn’t. Hoping her friend would know enough not to hurt her. But if you never say it, no one will ever hear it.

Sidelined, she stayed and watched the games.

“She doesn’t really like him and she knows I do” she thought to herself “Why then does she toy with him?”

But there was no answer so she stood to the side. Unnoticed except for when they needed a listening ear.

Cries. Complaints. Accusations. Sly gloating.

She sat through it all…

Then one day,

.
.
.
.
.

She didn’t.

“Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out
I can’t remember a thing, it wasn’t until later
When I was washing the blood off my hands
I even knew they were dead”
Cell Block Tango – He had it coming.

(This wasn’t the end you expected now, was it? 🙂 Sue me)

Feu.

Easy Like Sunday Morning Twitter

I log on to twitter first thing this SUNDAY (like it matters) morning to see this:

“@Cognoscente_: 30 minutes? RT @BonitaMelle: You guys are having sex for less than 30mins?”

(Great way to start off a Sunday don’t you think?)

And it makes me think of Harrison. And his 30 minute TL. So…. ‘Let’s do this thang!’ (Catchphrase obviously)

______

“@TheMaseFace: Urethra music “@YESVS: Agnes Carlsson | Release me””

(Keyword: Release)

“@BonitaMelle: Isn’t that a quickie?”

“@Cognoscente_: Is that not plenty?”

(Which is it?)

“@Nigerianweirdo: Hey boo.. “@tolaakinn: yesterday *insert picture*””

(Okocha at it again)

“@Nigerianweirdo: Tola will collect.”

“@ClausEscobar_: My girlfriend is pregnant.”

“@ClausEscobar_: I guess this penis works.”

“@ClausEscobar_: Or whatever.”

(I’d go with Or whatever, but I’m not even here)

“@FEMI_HL: Leggings are just from hell to test us guys..”

(Look whose sexcapade’s flow yesterday was slowed down by leggings)

“@Orxxs: Since nobody is putting on jersey no 23 for now. I we win the league can Carragher wear it and lift the trophy?”

(I have no idea what this is)

“@BonitaMelle: I’m learning.”

(……..)

“@shamnex: christ has redeemed me from the curse of the Law…Galatians 3:13”

(I assume this is what’s said before people go on into the world of crime.)

“@NeverLasting__: Yes Yes It’s Love Baby 😘😍❤❤ “@Mot0wn_: Love baby not thing..”@NeverLasting__: I’ve Got This Thing For Moyo And It’s Driving Me Crazy.”

(*Sigh* Auggs)

“@TheVunderkind: The transformation is complete.”

(His new avi is a dark girl so I guess we know what transformation)

“@YESVS: Agnes Carlsson | Release me”

(This was retweeted by @socheemar .. Everyone’s craving release I see. Sorry ehn. Konji is not a good thing)

“@TheVunderkind: My first tweet in this new order will therefore be: Ugh.”

(Wait. What?! He doesn’t like the new vagina?!)

“@am_delly: Our generation came up with the word ”Head” because the word cunnilingus is too much to spell or pronounce.”

(Of course.)

“@Tunjji: Just Can’t Get Enough – Black Eyed Peas”

(*grunts* More baby!! More!!!)

“@Orxxs: Agger’s defending against Campbell for that second goal though. Christ defended like sylvian Distin there”

(Somebody didn’t get the memo. It’s Sex Sunday. It always is)

“@TheFunnycator: Sober week begins today.”

(All I have to say is ‘LOL. Story’)

“@ClausEscobar_: So…. Who knows a guy?”

(Yeah. Who knows a guy? Help a brother out)

“@ClausEscobar_: A clinic.”

(He even continued. Just in case. See, he knew some of you still wouldn’t get it)

“@SEBEBE28: In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, & do not give the devil a foothold. -Eph 4:26”

(The ones who remember the Sunday part of Sex Sunday)

“@charlieanekwe: So having sex for less than 30mins is a quickie? Okay! I’m getting you. Grizzly Bear wey dey mate abi leopard.”

“@NeverLasting__: Some Of You Should Stop Posting Selfies Of Your Self, Please Stop.”

(I AGREE)

“@TheFunnycator: Waaaaaaaaaaait. Vunderkind is a babe?:s”

(Seni is too slow these days. It’s the smokes. They getting in his head. Messing stuff up)

“@Socheemar: He a fag. And is spam now.”

“@SantosTHEBOSS: Whom the other niggas trusted RT @_Spesh_: Most of these guys trust issues come from sleeping with other niggas girlfriends”

(Too many words. Head hurts)

“@DNintro_deuces: Lol. So if you don’t eat ass you’re childish?”

(This was manually retweeted by @FEMI_HL. Eating ass just had to come in. Smh. In honor of Harrison’s 30 minute TL)

“@Cognoscente_: What is wrong with all of you?”

“@Nigerianweirdo: Tomorrow y’all will say Justina isn’t a fag.”

(He isn’t. He a gurllll now)

“@charlieanekwe: Yo @TheVunderkind, You know that fine line separating transgender drag-queen and really closet GAY guy? I’m not saying you’ve crossed it…”

“@Orxxs: When are we reporting Vundie to the police? Please aren’t we all tired o covering up for him/her”

(And this is how Justin’s taken over the TL. Justina, I mean)

“@Cognoscente_: If vundie was a girl, he’d be lightskinned.”

(Justina’s new Username is Bewildered Goddess btw. Why are we still on this??)

“@BadManUche_: Just wanna say a prayer for niggas who stay trusting & trying to save these hoes.”

(*thrusting. Then delete everything after thrusting)

“@ClausEscobar_: Vasectomy.”

Ok. I’m done.

Eirene.

@Chaotic_vixen

P.S Don’t worry Justin. Love you still. Vag and all. Spices things up 😉

Stratification.

There’s Me, then there’s the rest of the world. Happens.

A domestic cat. A wallaby. A german shepherd. A leopard. A Lion.

The World has always been divided.
Classes, Divisions known by many names.

Alphas. Betas. For example.

Closer to home; Islanders. Mainlanders

Even in the virtual world there are divisions. Twitter for example; TBH . LWKMD.

The Food chain is considered a form of division too.

There’s a school of thought that believes Division is a natural order and can’t be helped. “Its even present in the animal world” They say.
It’s always been, still is, and will always be.

Then the other, that believes the division shouldn’t be. They aim for total equality believing it’ll bring Utopia (Or something). They believe in Socialism, Egalitarianism, A classless society among others.

Will an Equal society, equal power truly bring peace and make the world a better place? Do we rebel against the apparent natural order?

Or Do we continue as we are? “Everyone cannot be on top, how would you know then that you’re progressing”

***************

They worship him but know him not. His name, the simplest of all to be known is unknown.
He is known by many names. One, the most popular, but none is truly his.

And he sits and presides over court. The Lord of the Court.

Aloof, Languid, Seemingly detached without a care in the world, The members of court are.

But nothing is ever as it seems.

Nobility. Gentry.

Inside jokes are the norm.
They play and laugh among themselves and spare no glance for The Others.

And The Others stare from across the great divide…Through the veil that separates. They press their noses to the veil that is solid to their touch and they look on. Envious of the perceived nobility.

Antics on the other side of the veil; The side The Others occupy. They grovel and play the part of the adoring audience. They grumble and swear they hate the standoffishness of the Gentry.

A few choice words thrown around in the heat of the moment when An Other gets all riled up because of the activities of the Gentry and the presence of the veil.

More annoying to him* as The Gentry still doesn’t spare a glance. The pitying smile has to be the worst.

There are those who have their backs turned to the veil and partake not in the general outcry.

‘Live and let live’

But they can’t help it that their eyes stray from time to time to the veil.

Everyone admits in their mind that beyond the veil would be nice. But it’s never said out loud. How can they? For the same mouths condemn The Veil and The Divide.

Petty.

Groups are formed. Factions within a faction.

There is a place set aside from all this. Where the young’uns are made. Born, they say. When a new being is made. It is brought and pressed to the veil.

Solid to it’s touch and its an Other.
Hand goes through, and it belongs to the Gentry.

Simple process really.

Once in a while, an Other changes. Evolves.
Changes so the veil can accept its passage to the other side. Becomes a member of the Court.

On and on, it goes.
Endless cycle really.

Try or Complain as they might, The Veil cannot be destroyed. Its a thing that always is.

If everybody is, then nobody else.

I chuckle to myself. A wave of the hand and It all goes dark. And I turn away from their games and antics. Fascinating beings. An amusing distraction sometimes.

But there is work to be done.
Methinks the world seems too peaceful.

Nyx.

*him in this case refers to no one. Manner of speaking.

Oh and by the way. I’m the Lion.

CynicWit

Naria.

Running a hand along the lid of the sarcophagus that’s been my shelter for so long, I stare into the darkness and reminisce on my life, the one I’m leaving behind and the life before this, where I was still… Human.

My name is Naria. And I am a vampire.

As i stride towards the doors, I can feel the sun coming up. Blackout curtains are still up, I don’t see it but I feel it.

The instinct pulses through my head now; To run, to hide but I ignore it to stand by the door.

I hear him approach from behind. He leans down and places a kiss on my bare shoulder.

My lover. My dark haired, blue eyed beast.
We’ve been together for so long. Centuries.
Identities, Friends, Death, Love. We’ve seen it all, shared it all.

“Are you ready?” He whispers in my ear, a hand on my shoulder. I let go of the breath I’d unconsciously been holding and place my hand on his, my agreement is apparent.

It’s finally time. Time to Die, time to abandon this half-life, time to Live.

We made this pact a century ago, on this very day, to die together.. To ride together into the afterlife, where we might fully live.
We’d gotten tired of living in this unending cycle. Tired of the numerous identities we’d taken up, tired of all the running.. The hiding.

This is no life.

Standing in front of the doors that’ll lead to our eternity, We both place a hand on each door, he looks at me and smiles, his smile a promise that we’ll be fine. I look at my lover, and I smile back. We will be fine.

This isn’t goodbye for us. We’re simply catching a ride to the other side. Together.
At least there, we won’t have to run. If the stories are true, we will find peace.
Soulless as we are, we will find peace.

“Open on 3?” He says

“Yes”

1…

2…

3!!

Fuck. I’m not ready!.. Swiftly, I whirl into the darkness, far from the light. I hear my lover’s scream, but I don’t look back.

I shut my eyes tight and hold my hands over my ears.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” I chant to the emptiness, I just couldn’t do it.

When at last the shivering stops, I open my eyes to stare at the spot where my lover had been. His door still open.. Light spilling through it.

Mine is shut though, because I am a coward.
When push came to shove, I couldn’t open it. I couldn’t take that huge step with him.

“He’s gone” I hear myself say “Gone”

Then I notice something I hadn’t before.

A bat hanging from the rafters. A bat with my lover’s eyes.

A bat that soon transforms into my lover with something in his eyes.. Malice?? Hate?? I don’t know.

And he says one word, just one word ’cause that’s all he needs.

“Babe”

And it sends shivers down my spine.

Nyx

Romeo.

My Romeo loves me, I just know it.

It’s plain to see as he straddles me, making me squirm underneath him, his phallus pressed against my thighs, his huge, naked, masculine body pressing me to the ground, making me gasp for air.

It’s so obvious.

I’d call it a crush but that would be juvenile, besides, I love him too.

My heart flutters when he’s near, I find myself at a loss of words in his presence and he makes me want to be better.

We met only two weeks ago, yet our love is unquestionable.

My sister had come home for a holiday and she’d brought with her my tall, dark, mysterious lover, with jet black hair and deep black eyes.

His entire being instantly captivated my young sixteen year old heart.

At first I had thought it a silly, little crush but then as the days passed, I had begun to realize that he might share my feelings.

It was in the way he looked at me when we talked, the way his eyes followed me around a room, the way he stared when he thought I was unaware, the little jokes he made when we were alone.

And we were alone a lot.

With mummy dead, Lizzie was always out on some errand, the schools were on holiday and daddy was taking his retirement very seriously, out hunting on most days.

Quite ironic really, he gave up saving lives to take some.

My suspicions were confirmed nearly a week after his arrival.

My sister had come back late and tired, he’d complained about her never having his time and I’d tried my best to cheer him up with my teenage chatter, he’d smiled that wonderful smile.

Later that night he’d snuck into my room and confessed his love for me, we made love that night. At first I’d resisted, pleaded, even tried screaming, silly me, eventually though he’d gotten through.

I cried that night, silly immature me, he comforted me afterwards, held me, and quieted me.

He told me again that he loved me and I told him I loved him too, we agreed that night that we eventually would in the end find a way to be together forever.
We made love several more times, the pain slowly subsided and I’d even begun to enjoy it.

It had been heaven.

This was why it had been so strange the day I walked into my sister’s room to find him making furious love to her, the same way he had loved me.

I had been so filled with fury, so rife with jealousy, it’d been quite disturbing the kind of thoughts that had occurred to me.

It had taken a while but eventually I had calmed in the understanding of the truth.

It was really me he loved, my sister was just holding him captive and as long as we stayed within her grasp, we could never truly be together.

And so I had to take him away.

There’s an old, abandoned building far off in the woods, a thirty minute hike from our house, long deserted and mostly forgotten and for now, my safe haven and soon ours.

Acquiring the supplies I would need had been easy, the ropes, the chain, the food and the tranquilizers all gained without much stress.

Luring him there proved even easier, he could never refuse me.

Once there, I injected him and tied him up, I knew he would resist me if I simply tried convincing him to stay, it would take time for him to understand.

I wasn’t crazy, I knew if let him free he would simply return to my sister, her hold on him was simply too great.

In the last two weeks I have kept him well fed, well satisfied, well cleaned and as comfortable as he could be, naked, tied by his arms and legs to a table, a gag in his mouth for when I’m not here.

Occasionally he gets excited and starts screaming, begging for me to free him, shouting that he is sorry and sometimes, he threatens me.

These moments hurt me, why would he want to leave me?

He quiets down soon after and when he doesn’t, well I have more loaded needles.

These moments are the only bad ones, otherwise it is wonderful.

It was our dream together.

Yet today I walked in to find he’d escaped, I pulled out my knife and my flashlight and searched.

He’d jumped me from behind, somehow managing to loosen his bond and here we were.

I’m pressed hard to the ground, my naked lover on top of me, his flaccid penis touching my bare thigh, his arms wrapped around my throat; he almost seems intent on killing me.

Why? Why would want that? Doesn’t he love me?

Looking into his beautiful, near-deranged eyes, I finally understand.

You see we can’t live forever in this old, abandoned house, I’ve always known but tried to deny it.

My Romeo is smart though, he knows that only in death can we truly be together, but if he releases me, who will release him? Poor baby, I can’t let him face that.

Even as I feel myself losing consciousness as he squeezes life from me, my fragile neck being crushed his strong, slightly emaciated hands, I stretch towards the knife.

My hand finds it and with the last of my strength I plunge it into his neck.

His blood splatters all over my face, a grunt escapes his lips before he falls on me.

I push him off, regain my breath and retrieving the knife I stab him once more on the floor, this time aiming for his heart.

As he lays on the floor dying, I stand over him and the last thing he sees before his eyes shut is me slowly sliding the knife into my own heart before I fall to the ground next to him.

May God receive us.

The End.

Grim

The Gay Lussac’s Theorem

Naturally, I don’t like to write about trending issues in the world, I just prefer to watch from the sidelines while I eat my bag of air with a bit of chips in. But after the President of the most populous black nation in the world decided to specify what hole its citizens stick their private organs in, I just had to come out of my hiatus and say something to the adoring public.

Before we go on, If you are a bigot, it’s absolutely important you finish this article because i do plan on insulting you a whole lot. Now be a good sport and move to the next paragraph.

Mostly, the argument on the infamous #AntiGayLaw has been on the social media platform Twitter (erm, as opposed to where?) and it has been a mixture of fun, disgust and just pure disbelief reading some people’s opinion on the matter.

It’s amazing that in 2014 (we are in 2014 right?) some people still have the reasoning and logic of the Pharisees. We get to hear stuff like Homosexualism is against the natural order, It’s against their religion and God frowns against it. It’s a western culture and it shouldn’t be promoted here all being spewed in different pathetic manners all over the place.

It’s so pathetic it’s funny. Let’s take a look at each logic, shall we?

• ‘’Homosexualism is against the natural order’’ – Okay, I can only assume some scrawny looking man got a couple scrolls from Mother nature stating clearly the way things should run, the order of things. ‘’You human with two legs, you shall stick your penis in a woman’s frontal hole…and kill lower animals for your own pleasure or keep as pets depending on if you find said animal cute’’.

Dear, shallow minded human, there is no ‘’natural order’’ of things. There is only something the majority chose to do and thus became a norm. Brushing your teeth, having your bath in the morning, sticking your penis in a pussy are just things that you think is the only right thing to do because you were born into a world that thinks it’s how you should do things. The early man could easily have preferred a butthole and today we all would be walking around with leaking asses and it would be cool. I read a blog about this subject, the writer in all of his wisdom said “Gays have to be stopped and destroyed because if they aren’t, they will take over the world, eliminating heterosexuals.’’ (paraphrased) *wipes tears*. I’m sorry I got teary there, It’s just that amount of retardation fused into a blog post is just…oh my *sniffs*, these pro-photographers…

Homosexuals dear retarded bigoted piece of shit, are not trying to take over the world. They want to live in a peaceful world as much as you do, have their own life, grow, have a family, and achieve something in life. We can all co-exist without hurting each other.

•  ‘’It’s against their religion and God frowns against it’’ – Here, Ladies and Gentlemen, is where religious bigots get on every single nerve of my body. Nigeria is a secular state, not a Christian or Muslim state. Do you know what that means? It means according to my good friend Wiki, ‘’is a concept of secularism whereby a state or country purports to be officially neutral in matters of religion’’. If you just read a bit further, it says ‘’a secular state treats all its citizens equally regardless of religion and claims to avoid preferential treatment for a citizen from a particular religion or non religion.

In layman terms, Nigeria is not supposed to be a country to make laws based on the religious beliefs of a particular group of people and I always thought that’s part of why our politicians don’t get thrown in jail for stealing. There is provision for the people who believe and do not believe in God. Now, religious dimwits, while you are seated in your self-righteous throne, do you honestly think everyone believes in God? Do you think everyone believes that they are going into a large cauldron of fire if they do not stick it in the right hole? No, my dim-witted friend not everyone, are you saying these people do not deserve the right to live freely like you because they don’t believe in your God? Your God frowns against fornication; I don’t see you turning yourself over to the police for shagging that chorister. Who gives you the right to decide which ‘’sin’’ is okay to commit and stay out of jail? People should learn to understand that even if your religion chooses the right hole for you, it is not within your right to force that on other people.

Some of these gay people have better morals than so called religious fanatics, they have been classified as outcasts because of the sex they are attracted to, in the words of Chris Rock ‘’that ain’t right’’.

There are scientific theories that prove that the attraction to the same sex is a genetic anomaly, obviously most of you wouldn’t believe it, but it might just be true. God created Adam and Eve not Steve? Well, God didn’t create Eve to have a penis either but we have inter-sexes among us all said to be as a result of genetic anomaly, what says the same can’t apply to the attraction to the same sex?

• ‘’It’s a western culture and it shouldn’t be promoted here’’ – I have got to say this is one of the dumbest logic in the argument against the freedom of gay people. First of all, can we all agree that who/what your neighbour is sticking his/her private organ into is not your business provided he/she is not a danger to you? Good. Is homosexualism a western culture or not? That is an argument for another day, that requires some research on my part and I’m too lazy for that, but one thing is for sure, like every other western product/idea that we are using here and its okay because it’s not harmful to us, same should apply to homosexualism. Mobile phones, gadgets, system of government etc all of these are western ideas that have been accepted widely here, and it’s okay despite the fact they are being used in ways harmful to others.

You are having sex with your woman and you are using the doggy style, or blowjobs which are western sex practices, it’s not in our culture to have a woman go on her knees naked for you while you come in from behind or have her suck your phallus, but it’s okay because you like it, you enjoy it. Why is it not okay for men and women to have consensual sex with members of the same sex? They aren’t hurting you in the process, let them be. You may not like the act, heck you may find it repulsive but they are not asking you to watch nor are they forcing you to be their partner, the least you could do is tolerate them, Human.
I’m not here to convince you to be gay, I am straight, it’s not exactly something to be proud or ashamed of,  it’s just what it is. I’m here to convince you to increase your level of tolerance, be open-minded. Don’t join the band wagon of those who think gay people should be lynched.

Hypocrisy, myopic mentality and unforgivable bigotry are all characteristics of the supporters of the #AntiGayLaw, these innocent people you plan on sending to jail are people just like you; they pay their taxes, and have an honest day work and generally good people in general. Why should they go to jail because of the hole they fill? It’s not right, it’s unfair and it’s a trespass on their human right.

Should homosexualism be officially made legal? Preferably yes, but if that won’t happen, don’t send them to jail. Let them roam the streets free to express themselves, do not ignore the possibility that some of them were simply born that way. We can all co-exist without hurting each other.

Your best friend could be gay, afraid to live because he/she is afraid of what you will think of her, yet he/she is always there for you, helping you navigate through life; would you want him/her to be sent to jail for 14 years because of who he/she is attracted to? Would you like it if your friend is thrown into the streets, tortured and burned to death simply because of his sexual preference? Because that’s what is going to happen with this new law, and there won’t be a thing you can do to stop it. And if you take time out of hasty generalization, you will discover that not all gay people(male) practice anal sex, there is inter-crural sex and frottage which they use for intimacy.

Change your mentality, have an open mind and remember that people’s sexuality is not the definition of who they are. Selah.

Neo.

 

Inappropriate

Hello people who no doubt have missed me, Where have I been? You might wonder (or not). Doesn’t really matter, I’m not saying.

What’s important is that we’ve (Yes We. Grim’s in with me on this) come to break up the monotony of your no doubt boring lives with our amazing insights on the daily interactions of the youths of our generation.

I was going to pray for creative juices to spill onto/into? me, but it doesn’t matter how much I try? I can’t see Creative juices as non-sexual. (>_>)

You know the juices involved in the creation of a baby..?.. Ah forget it. If it’s that hard to explain, its not worth it besides I assume all the smart people have gotten it by now.

I was having an inappropriate conversation with Grim the other day, actually, he was saying the inappropriate things, I just kept going :O Grim!!

I’m really too innocent for what he says.

This is Me. The innocent girl in every conversation

So here are Ten Inappropriate things you should absolutely not say/do to girls and guys you talk to everyday (unless you’re an absolute ass).

1. No one word replies if you want to keep the convo going. Makes you seem like a bitch (Yes, guys too).

2. No mention of you or your counterpart’s unmentionables if ya’ll aren’t cool like that.

3. No mention of the fact you’ve been stalking her for a year and have all her missing panties and stuff in a Hey Arnold kind of shrine (Not every girl is me, Sorry :p).

Grim: Save that for your wedding night.

4. If she asks you for money out of the blue, don’t say No, say I’ll see what I can do, then delete her.

Grim: Or send her number to me. I’ve got someone for that.

5. Never call a girl fat unless she’s so fat it’s impossible to lie about it, even then say it nicely

Grim: Or try to sound sarcastic.

6. Never suggest prostitution as an acceptable summer job.

Grim: But if she brings it up, no harm in asking to sample her goods. If she doesn’t let you, you don’t want her as a friend.

7. Always send 🙂 after an obvious insult. It diffuses tension (scientifically proven)

Grim: + It’ll confuse the hell out of her.

Nyx: Or Him. -_-

8. Never call a person stupid, call him/her simple.

9. No surprise pictures of your unmentionables, a wrong (lucky) person might be with the phone.

10. Never admit you just want sex (unless you have a vagina)

Grim: Trust me girls these days are hotwired to say no to that immediately, even if they want it.

So there it is, ten solid points that’ll get you even further in the direction of the person you want’s heart or pants whichever it is you desire.

P.s: All the above points have no real relevance in already existing relationships; you already have him/her.

There you have it!

Nyx & Grim

A New Year Resolution

Recently I had to do some soul searching in a distant land with north pole weather and 4^th world civilization as the host with the intention of getting clarity on a lot of issues; I ended up getting more confused. On the last night of my voyage, I lay in bed wondering how I could have failed at getting any clarity despite the not so careful planning I had before I left; why was my mission a failure; I pointed fingers at the lack of alcohol or a good dose of weed to drive the thoughts, and just while I was pointing mental fingers at the innocents, the name ‘’God’’ dropped in my mind. Who is he? Is he real? Which is the real one?

All my life, through primary school with the funny looking Social Studies and CRK teachers through to the university with Herpes or to use the politically correct term ‘’Jehovah Witnesses’’, social media, and personal research I have been filled with the knowledge that there is not one ‘’god’’. Shocking? I know, apparently its why we have a gazillion religions in the world, with each religion claiming that its own god is the real one and with a sizable number of following for each. An eternal debate on which is real goes on and the ones with the highest number of followers are gaining the upper hand in the race for who proves to the world which god is real. Even though basically they all have the same basic beginning ‘’mystery guy walks the earth, does incredible things, the people in his time feel the need to worship him and pass the idea down to their kids.’’

One of Christians’ point of argument is that their ‘’God’’ does things for free, and will not ask you to sacrifice your kid or bring sacrifices to get His gifts unlike that Sango or Ogun god that wants you to give your manhood as the tollgate payment on the road to success. That’s not true, a God that wants you to give up the fun stuff like drinking alcohol, robbery and sexually transmitted diseases for a place in His mansion is not exactly doing it for free now, is he? But I digress, not here to spark a religious debate. The thing is no matter the religion or whatever you are supposed to do to get into your own paradise, either by doing things that show love to others and yourself or just by simply blowing people up, people follow their various religions because they believe in it, and whatever they do there seem to work for them.

Thor who?

A Yoruba adage says ‘’Ti ogun eni ba dani lo ju, a fi ngbari ni’’, meaning ‘’If you believe in the god you serve so much, you boast of it anywhere.’’ While some of the logic of these religions is bother line stupid, sad and purely comical to an extent, there is the basic fact that they have followers and they aren’t ashamed to speak of their religion, follow it and tell the world of their belief in it, a mentality that most people don’t seem to apply to their goals and dreams. A lot of potentials have been left untapped in the world because the owners refused to develop or explore them because they don’t have the belief in it, either because they are afraid of failing or that the world will not accept them, settling for less in the process. That is something you should stop as you move into 2014. Self-doubt, low self esteem, the desire for acceptance by the society, the fear of failure, let it all roll away with 2013. Follow your dreams, believe in yourself, live by the word of wisdom that if you can think it, you can achieve it. Don’t let anyone stop you from pursuing that thing you want, don’t be afraid to start that business because you scared you might fail at it, or jump from that storey building because you think you might die. You might not.

Live 2014 without fear, follow your dreams, belief in yourself and your abilities for within you is power to be whoever you want be, no matter how ridiculous it may seem. No religious man is afraid to speak or do the things his religion requires of him for he believes in it.

Come at me, bro…come at me

 

Be religious to your goals and dreams and 2014 will be a much better year than 2013 for you.

From Nyx and I, we wish a very Happy New Year to everyone.

The Kizzle Post

Top of the morning to you Cynics, we are doing this unusual post for an ardent reader of Cynicwit, she wanted to ”shalla” to her fans and appreciate the good people in her life. Sounds like a good thing and we are delighted she chose us to express herself. Ladies and gentlemen… Kizzle!

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This is my first post ever so pardon my errors. Okay, 2013 has been a great year. In January, I didn’t make any resolutions because by the first week of that year, pfft I don’t even remember them.  I thank God, the big man up there for the gift of life, and my parents, dad and mum you are the ‘bestest’; if you are jealous talk your own abeg -__-.  My siblings Tosin, Dayo and Gboyega…every day I thank God for you people and I really love you. Cousins Wale, Texy, Seun,Kola, Funmi, THE TWINS  etc  much love.

Actually, 2013 started on a crazy note with the sudden resumption to school.

Hey my roomie Louisa, the craziest roommate I had in school you rock :d. Shola Akomolafe my darling, final year was too wonderful with you. Dami Alofe and Amaka Anyadiegwu, Suzy Abumere you are more than ‘ODDNARRI’ the bond we share is great. March to May was awesome, final year week and stuff. Hey did I tell you guys I got the ‘most amiable’ award? No? Okay.

Blah blah june I wrote finals and I honestly miss my coursemates: Vals, eniola, faisal, souljaboi, uba, lucky, aybigbamzy, debo, Raymond those 4 years as ‘eco students’ were…lol the whole set knew us. I miss you people and soon enough we will be at the top of our careers.

Still about my university, I made awesome friends: eniola opasina for coming through for me in many ways (winks), Truelove Arogbodo my pretty friend, Atilola, Cordelia my boo’s boo Amaka Phoenix (my favourite niglet), Tumbi, Yemiqua, Fiyin, Dolapo, Fiyin, Kemmy, Bunmi, Cousin, Femi, Tade, Adetayo, Jide and Wale, Tessy, Easy_, Omosebi, Lola Fash, Freshtimmy, Bosun, Checherio, Obehi, Kate, David, Dina, Geepee, Magic, Wonderkid, Ofure, Pelumi, Seyi, Tobi, Dammy…  etc I can’t mention all of you. My lecturers and everyone I met in school God bless!

Lol after school, I didn’t want to stay idle so I enrolled at a vocational place. So for your cakes, small chops, barbecue call The kizzle or DM me o :D. Also tried the ‘fitfam’ thing in September and it was wonderful. 2014 should be great with my fitfam people. Say hi back na *rme.

In November, I went to serve my country. Mtshew camp is overrated. Rooms were choked up, no good toilets and bathrooms. Ah, those three weeks were crazy! I fell in love with the military the more. Ok so imagine Kizzle as an officer, sweeeeeg! I actually learnt how to march and met new people entirely.

In this same 2013, @seyi__ (insert that name) you know you are amazing yeah? @olaotan__, for sketching all those pictures of me, @adesanya777 errm don’t call me that name pls :D,  @qua_d_first ,for coming through one time like that. @midnightsun84, write more short stories, please and thank you. @mr_svengali, teach me how to write like you now. @sparklyn_shy ayo of life!!, Dr femi @soprano for the laughs, @mhagayr humorous guy.  Lol Dr @folareddevil, no more memes with my pictures in 2014 biko :p.

LOL

Dr @tiemedoks and his complex bios *whew* and all those nerd questions I never know the answers.

@bolajuade oko omoge I am going to pray for your agbere spirit. @hiteeobama loooool Itu I guess people know you already. @shegzrhymz for those conversations; always reminding me about my relationship with God, thank you.  @villageparrot for the memes, gosh you have a picture reply for every tweet, hilarious. @yemzine for the funny tweets; awon baba isale arsenal fc. @tobiloba_, good to have you back.

@goonerdeybor onijogbon,@iyam_ola the stubborn human, @iteju darling, @dollycent deacon *holds laff*, @tomiwaayo thanks for always giving info about ICAN and stuff and those twitterfeeds do something about it, thank you?. @khuunley and @flakyjones the beautiful people I met this year 😀 @norquer Kelvin of life, @ICONOREOLUWA and @dipoistall my co-history lovers, you guys rock.  @gksworld, Goke for encouraging me during ats3 you rock! @ay_bkini, real G. @fredd_amare the fish, @enzydodo the foodie

@doly_pop, @stalemayte, @olatostar, @qdbanks, @laemzy, @uncensoredIII @o2dc one of my earliest followers, @olapluswale, @kbone_, @ibreakdrules and @lilbetsymusa, @cassbaba, @itz_ymc Charles -__-, @ptims8, @emperor_derek, @clemdaboss, @jideunconformed, @d_narcissist, @swit_ope, @psa_muel,@kingdayor, @illdexter and @olapluswale, @ifcvalde and @tejirioghene. loool you people rock my TL, believe it.

My favourite bloggers and I don’t mean all those ones that will annoy you with autotweets..tlspace,Svengali’s,@feduplad oyibo, chairman bauchi twitter :p and ofcourse, Cynicwit the latest blog on my favourite blogs list.

@faithdabender I will soon break your head, @scofield_barca moma fo eti e last ni, @iam_ollyray I don’t even know what to say to you, biko reduce the memes. ’Rayo,  thank you.

Mubo my friend of over a decade, thank you for sticking with all through the years. And to the rabbit, Adeola thank you for everything. I love you so damn much.

Story yi ti long already, I don’t know how to end post with a high point. errm I am a novice in this thing jor. I am very sorry if your name isn’t there but God bless and I love you.

Looking forward to a better 2014, for you guys and myself. Cheers

Aderonke Makanju

@ronkizzle93